It is indeed ironic that Valentine's Day, a day supposed to be all about love, can spark such controversy over whether it should be celebrated or not. People tend to love it or hate it. I'm sure you've heard each of these arguments from people in your life and you likely agree with one more than the other: 

The argument for celebrating it: Valentine's Day is a random day of the year where you get to show your significant other how much they mean to you. You get to pause and really appreciate each other. It's nice to get flowers and chocolates and go out on a date. With life being so busy, we forget to do these special things sometimes and Valentine's Day reminds us of this. 

The argument against celebrating it: Valentine's Day isn't really about love, it's about buying crap that doesn't really matter for the person you're in a relationship with. It makes people who aren't in a relationship feel bad and lonely. Plus, you should be showing your significant other that you love them every day, not just doing it one day out of the year because Hallmark tells you to. 

Sound about right? So where do I stand on this? Admittedly, I air a little more on the side of celebrating it for many of the reasons listed above. It is a day where you can remind your partner through some gift or going out on a date that you appreciate them. And if you think that being single on Valentine's Day feels bad, it feels worse to be in a relationship and have a partner who refuses to do anything for you on that day. But do I see the other side? Yeah, I do. The Valentine's Day aisle at the store makes me want to puke a little bit and there are absolutely plenty of couples who don't do anything the other 364 days of the year to show their partner they care (which is sad). One person in the relationship buys some $15 bouquet on their way home from work, their partner loves it, and it allows their partner to ignore the fact that they're actually pretty checked out of the relationship. Valentine's Day can and does serve as a band-aid for some gaping relationship wounds and that is not a good thing at all. It also can become a competition among couples of who did more for their partner and can lead to some disappointment when your co-worker's husband sent her flowers at work but yours didn't. It can become emotional wreckage for no good reason. 

Given all of this, I'm going to give you some practical things to think about that will hopefully get us back to the root of what Valentine's Day is about. After all, Christmas has been insanely commercialized for years and yet we all still celebrate that. There is a way to celebrate Valentine's Day, whether you're in a relationship or not, without having it be more about a gigantic teddy bear and roses than it is about love. 

1. Give up celebrating it on the day: One of the things that can be most frustrating about Valentine's Day is the pressure to do something big, like taking your partner out to the fanciest restaurant in town or spending a lot of money on a huge bouquet. The prices get jacked up and the restaurants get full on the actual day. This year, Valentine's Day falls on a Thursday. Both you and your partner will likely be tired from work and the thought of planning some extravagant date may sound draining. So...don't. Pick another date that might work better in your schedule that hovers around the 14th and do something then to celebrate. The key here though is to talk about this together, lest your partner think you've forgotten. Decide in advance when you will celebrate and what you will do so that neither of you feels neglected on the 14th. 

2. Do something that reflects the two of you: Valentine's Day is not meant to be about flowers and chocolates. It is not about dressing up or doing something that requires a lot of money. Valentine's Day is about celebrating the love the two of you share. Do this in a way that feels comfortable to both of you. Figure out something to do for your partner in their love language* and that's it. This can feel a whole lot better than putting on uncomfortable, scratchy lingerie or buying chocolate (when your partner doesn't even have much of a sweet tooth) because that's what you think you're supposed to do. Be genuine and be yourselves. Better yet, challenge each other to show your love without spending any money - this will force some creativity and planning and let's get real: that is sexy. 

*Don't know what love languages are? Check out this link: www.5lovelanguages.com 

3. Don't make it all about romantic love: If you really trace the origins of Valentine's Day back to its roots, it's really about a man named St. Valentine who was a kind, giving person. Valentine's day is about love for everyone, not just between lovers. For many people, they find the joy and meaning of Christmas through giving to others by making a donation or volunteering, and Valentine's Day can and should be the same thing. Decide to do something kind for your fellow human being. Spend time with a friend or family member on or near Valentine's Day to give and receive some love from them. Decide as a partnership (if you have a partner) what good deed you might want to do to help make the world a better place in some small way (note: also sexy).

Ultimately, there are many happy couples who choose to pass on this holiday and there are many unhappy couples who cling to it. Talk with your partner and decide what you two want to do and if the answer is nothing and you both feel okay with that, then great! And if you do decide that you want to celebrate it, consider implementing at least one of these ideas to take the pressure off and get back to the real meaning of the day. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!