After The Rain.

A number of years ago, I witnessed a ballet piece entitled "After the Rain." I've seen this piece at least 5 times onstage since and every time I cry. In 9 minutes, the two dancers convey the richness of a relationship in a way that words can't express. Something about it just gets me. If you want to watch the piece, here's a link: 

The title, "After the Rain", could mean many things to many people. To me, it's referring to the period of time after a hardship is over. The cancer is in remission - now what? Your partner got sober - now what? You left that abusive relationship - now what? Your partner returned from a deployment - now what? You're going back to work after being unemployed - now what? So often, we assume that once the rain has passed, ...

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Type A + Type B = ?

For years, you've likely heard about people being classified into one of two categories based off of their energy level and way of moving through the world. In case you have no idea what I mean when I say "Type A" or "Type B", type As are go-getters. They don't like to procrastinate, they move quickly and efficiently, and they often are schedule-oriented, preferring to have a plan for their day. They feel best when they are accomplishing tasks and achieving goals. Type Bs are more laid-back. They don't mind waiting to get things done, they prefer to take their time when working on something, and they typically prefer spontaneity instead of a set schedule or plan. What feels freeing and good to a person who is type A is going to feel confining and overwhelming to a type B. So how does this work in a relationship where you may have two type As, two type Bs, or one of each? And how can you solve problems that each pairing typically runs into? Read o ...

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Is it a Season or a Stalemate?

I recently met with a client who has been experiencing some marital difficulties for a couple of years. In session, I told him that one of the things for him to determine is whether this hard time is a "season" (something that will pass) or if it feels more permanent, like something that can't be saved (a stalemate). His question back to me was, "How can I tell if it's a season?" This is a valid question and one that anybody in a long-term relationship (let's consider long-term here 10+ years) will have to ask themselves at some point. All relationships, of any kind, go through tough times and it's more common than you think for people to contemplate throwing in the towel at least once. While every relationship is unique and it's up to each person in the relationship to decide what they can tolerate (and for how long), I thought it might be helpful to lay out how I help people determine whether their current relationship struggle i ...

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