You're folding laundry at 10pm, the kids are finally asleep, and the house is quiet. And instead of feeling relieved, you feel... hollow. Not sad exactly. Not angry. Just this low hum of something that's been sitting in your chest for longer than you want to admit. You love your kids fiercely. You're showing up for them every single day. But when it comes to your marriage? You're not sure you're showing up for anything real anymore.

If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. And I want you to know, before we go any further, that feeling this way doesn't make you a bad mom or a bad wife. It makes you human.

The Guilt That Keeps You Stuck

One of the most common things I hear from moms who are quietly struggling in their marriages is some version of this: "I should be grateful. We have a good life. What's wrong with me?" There's this self-inflicted pressure to override what they're ...

Read more

For as long as I can remember, I've focused on the next thing. I do it without conscious awareness. I focus on what my next meal will be (i.e. what I'm going to eat for dinner that night before I've eaten lunch), plans coming up in a few days or that important date on the calendar in a couple months that marks something important. I am rarely, if ever, truly present with what is right in front of me in the here and now. Maybe you're like me, too. 

In some ways, we HAVE to think ahead. Imagine what would happen if we didn't. People wouldn't have career aspirations and likely wouldn't complete college (because you have to think ahead about the big picture). People might struggle with getting married even more than they already do (because you're not just signing up to be with this person for today, you're signing up to be with them for a lifetime). Our calendars inevitably fill with plans and things we're looking forward to. ...

Read more

On a recent episode of "This is Us", the episode focused on babies being born. Jack, the patriarch in "This is Us" who is a father of triplets, is just coming home from the hospital after his children are born. They begin crying in the car and Jack and his wife pull into a gas station to get gas. Jack is feeling overwhelmed and while at the gas station, he buys a small bottle of alcohol. He chugs it down before returning to the car. He asks his wife to drive home and later confesses to her that he asked her to drive because he drank at the gas station. "I'm just like my father", he says, as his father was an alcoholic throughout his childhood. 

The thing is, Jack isn't like his father. As fans of the show know, Jack chooses sobriety when his children are still young and is a great father to them in a way his father never was with him. What Jack is acknowledging when he tells his wife about being "just like his father" is his bluepri ...

Read more