Some couples argue about housework. Some couples argue about in-laws. Some couples argue about how many children to have. But I can guarantee, that every couple will argue about money at some point in their relationship. It doesn't matter whether you're living paycheck-to-paycheck or have more money in your account than you know what to do with. Because as you'll soon see, arguments about money aren't about the money at all. These arguments are actually about a variety of other issues. The next time you and your partner argue about finances, see if the two of you are actually arguing about any of these issues underneath the surface. 

1. Differing values and priorities

What we spend our money on says a lot about us. How much do we donate to those in need? How much do we spend on hobbies we enjoy? How much do we spend on taking care of our health? When couples are disagreeing about w ...

Read more

A few years ago, my therapist taught me a metaphor that forever changed me. She started speaking about yards, of all things. We have our own yard and the people in our lives have theirs. Some people's yards are well-maintained, with green grass and flowers blossoming everywhere. Other people's yards are the opposite, containing overgrown weeds and grass that's too tall. It can be all too tempting to want to be a "caring neighbor" and feel a strong pull to go into their yard and clean it up. After all, wouldn't they appreciate it? Wouldn't it make us feel better to not have to see their unkempt yard everyday? It could have that effect. Or it could result in them yelling at us to get off their property and us exerting time and energy that could have gone towards other things. 

Maybe you already see where I'm going here with this metaphor but just in case you're a little confused, our "yard" is a metaphor for our life (and all the pro ...

Read more

Today is July 1, 2020. I don’t know about you, but I thought COVID-19 would be a distant memory by now. I thought we would stay at home for a couple of weeks and re-emerge with the virus gone, returning to normal life with ease. This is far from reality. The reality we are seeing now is required face masks in public places, more cases than ever before being recorded, and continued uncertainty about how long this virus will be present in our lives. It isn’t going away. Instead, we are figuring out how to live with it.

Now that we have entered this bizarre time of returning to normal life, most of us are struggling with the reality of normal not being normal at all. We are struggling with wearing facial coverings everywhere we go (a clear reminder that this virus is still upon us). I continue to check the numbers every day of how many new cases are emerging and they are grim. I sigh and feel defeated in some ways. Being a therapist ...

Read more