Real Resolutions: Creating Space for What Matters

It's January 1st again. A new year, a fresh start. It only makes sense that I would be sitting here writing a blog about New Year's resolutions. I already know that there's a lot out there on this topic, but why not add in my two cents (and make it specific to relationships while I'm at it)? First of all, what are we really talking about when we're talking about resolutions? According to Google when I type in "definition of resolution", it says "the firm decision to do or not to do something." Some might view a resolution as a promise or agreement with oneself to carry out a specific goal that they have. The tricky thing is that we know that New Year's resolutions...tend to not last. We get tired and fall back into our old ways. We also can place really high expectations on ourselves. Where are we going wrong and where can we do better? One area I see people get hung up on is making their resolution too specific. Now, typically I a ...

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Speak Your Mind Even if Your Voice Shakes

My former boss had a bumper sticker with this quote from Maggie Kuhn on it (which I found ironic, because she is a very outspoken, no-nonsense woman). I glanced at it every time when I was in her office and always found great comfort in it. It reminded me that a) speaking our minds is hard and takes courage and b) you can cut yourself slack with it. 

I've held myself to a really high standard when it comes to speaking my mind over the years. I've expected myself to do it in the moment, effortlessly, with calmness and grace. While I have had that happen, the truth is that far more often, I get quiet. I realize something bothered me long after the fact rather than in the moment. Then I rehearse over and over what I want to say in my head, plan when I want to do it, and get very nervous going in. I get frustrated when it doesn't go how I want it to go and oftentimes, I don't say anything or only say a ...

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Finding Who You Want: Stop Going to the Hardware Store for Bread.

"I keep going to my family hoping that they'll give me the love I've always wanted," my client cried tearfully to me. "My sponsor says it's like I'm going to the hardware store for bread. I keep trying, hoping that they'll change and that I'll find what I'm looking for from them, but I keep being disappointed."

I had never heard this expression before this client shared it with me a few years ago of "going to the hardware store for bread" but when I heard it, it was a lightbulb moment. Most, if not all of us, have this experience with some area of our lives and it most commonly tends to be within a particular relationship: we keep being let down by someone repeatedly when they may not really be the problem. We're just looking to the wrong person for what we want and that need could be better met by someone else. 

When it comes to dating and trying to find a potential partner, this issue can crop up again and again and ...

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